The Joy of Gopher Football

A month ago I never would have believed I would have such elation as I do now with Gopher football. We had won our final three games and in essence saved Coach Mason’s job (or so I thought) and we were headed off to another third tier bowl.

Then came “The debacle in the desert.” The worst part about the game was being up by 24 heading into the fourth quarter yet knowing, with every other Gopher fan, that we were going to lose. It was what we had come to expect in the Mason era, 1) an average to above-average team that made it to a third tier bowl and 2) an incredibly gut-wrenching, blown game.

Then came “The phone call.” “Hey Mike, I wanted to wish you a Happy Glen Mason is fired day today.” I was left speechless (which is tough to do if you know me). I was in such utter shock that I needed multiple sources to verify it. You know that day when you were little and you woke up on Christmas morning and you got the Nintendo you so desperately wanted. Remember that feeling of sheer joy that lasted the entire day and every once in a while as you were thinking of something else you were reminded of your new toy and smiled? I never thought I would have one of those days again, but New Years Eve 2006 was that day for me.

The came “The wait.” I was giving Joel Maturi the benefit of the doubt, hell, he just made the single greatest decision of his life (in my opinion), so he should be given some time, but I was starting to get anxious. I know that it takes time to find the right guy, but signing season was right around the corner we needed a coach to ensure we had some players coming to our school next year. The name Lane Kiffin came and went (I was very glad we passed) and numerous others were being mentioned. It began to look like our AD was lost.

Then came “The hiring.” TIM BREWSTER! A month before I had never heard the name, but as I read about him on GopherIllustrated I realized we had just made an incredible hire. We needed a man that was passionate (about football, recruiting, coaching, the university, the alumni, and life), humble (somebody that did not think he was above high school coaches, the media, and the fans), and organized (somebody that would surround himself with talent and let others take charge). That man was Tim Brewster and somehow we got him.

Since that time he has made all the right moves. His press conference was great and starting things off on the right foot. The crowd was cheering him and he looked poised and professional.

The day after he was hired, he went to Cretin to meet with Broderick Binns, Michael Floyd and the coaching staff. He has since become buddies with Mike “The Great” Grant and watched five hours of Eagles basketball in one night (something I don’t think I ever did when I was there). Oh and by the way he gave offers to Blake Sorensen and Bryce McNaul something Coach Mason never thought of (why recruit two of the top ten players in the state?) and he started working on Willie Mobley.

He also put together a tremendous staff. I loved the hirings of Mike Dunbar and Everett Withers. Both of them bring tremendous experience to the staff and provide the leadership and expertise in their areas that Brewster did not have. Dunbar’s offense finished in fourth in the nation while at Northwestern and has past head coaching experience. Withers’ defense ranked fourth in the nation while at Louisville and he has NFL coaching experience. The rest of the coaches are a diverse lot that seem to bring a lot of passion to their positions.

Obviously nothing counts until the opening kick-off, and I would love to see us land another top recruit or two in the next couple of weeks, but I have to say that I am happier now than I have ever been as a Gopher football fan.

Tim Brewster

Obviously I have been following the goings on the Gophers very closely this evening and the best I can ascertain is that nothing is certain. ESPN and Fox have both claimed that Tim Brewster is the coach, but the article on Fox9.com has a glairing inaccuracy stating that Tim’s son Clint is an assistant at Illinois and will be coming with his father to Minnesota. In fact, Clint is a senior in high school who will be attending Illinois next year as a star recruit.

While the report may be correct, I am not holding my breath. If this report is not confirmed this morning after the meeting with the players, then it is completely false, and I for one will be disappointed.

As I mentioned before, I am no expert on other team’s coordinators, but from all that I have read, he sounds like the real deal. Fans from Texas have claimed that he will be tremendous and lead us to the next level. Tom Lemming has claimed Brewster to be the best recruiter in the country. While both may be exaggerations, I cannot help but be excited.

Sidney

I will start off by saying it is probably unfair to make fun of an 86 year old man, but since he is a prominent voice on the Minnesota sports scene, I think he is fair game.

One of the things I have enjoyed since moving back to Minneapolis is being able to follow the local sports scene much closer. Granted I tried to follow it religiously while living in other places, but it’s just not the same as being here. Case in point, The Sports Show which airs at 11:05 PM on Sunday nights on some local channel. The show is a take off on The Sports Reporters in which four panelists discuss local sports issues. The four primary panelists are Patrick Reusse, Dark Star, Mike Max, and, of course, Sid.

There are a number of reasons to watch, but the two primary reasons are the utterly ridiculous and incorrect statements made by Sid and Reusse’s reactions to them. It is obvious in Reusse’s reaction that he believes the man sitting to his left has entered the third stage of dementia. His mocking tone and not so subtle retorts make it clear that he feels Sid should be put out to pasture.

While Sid makes a number of ridiculous statements each week, a few stood out to me tonight. The first was in discussing how Vikings are heading in the right direction. He said that the Vikings are well under the salary cap and will spend to make the team better. When it was pointed out that almost all teams have the money to sign their players and that there were few good free agents available, he was asked who the Vikings could sign. After looking like a deer in headlights for a couple of seconds he said that the Vikings have plenty of money to spend and would bring in good players. When asked again, who? He must of have turned off his hearing aid because he started answering a different question.

Next he said that the Vikings would greatly improve through the draft, his reason being that Rick Spielman would have more influence. It was gently pointed out by Reusse that the finer points of Sid’s argument may contain a minor error. I believe he said something to the effect of, “If Spielman is making the picks you’re screwed, call up anybody in Miami and they will tell you he destroyed their franchise.” Further when it was pointed out that his picks in Miami were awful, Max asked Sid if he was aware of that. His simple answer, “No.”

The final and most unbelievable statement of Signor Hartman, and the reason I felt compelled to write, was in discussing former Gopher football coaches. He was talking about Joe Salem and how he had done a good job while coaching the Gophers, and than said this, “Illinois came in and [the Gophers] were 6-0 or 5-0…and if he wins that game he might go to the Rose Bowl.” Ruesse then pointed out that, in fact, the Gophers at the time were 3-0 and proceeded to lose the next eight games to finish 3-8 (1-8 in the Big Ten). Apparently you only needed to win two conference games to win the Big Ten and make it to the Rose Bowl that year.

I hope this makes all of you former Minnesotans pine for Ski-U-Mah.

Bye, Bye Glen

What a way to start the new year!

A new coach on the way and plans laid out for the new stadium.

Obviously I am as happy as Charlie Weis at an all you can eat buffet over the firing of Glen Mason, but I am not only excited about the fact that he was fired, I am happy about the way he was fired. Many critics have called it a knee-jerk reaction, and maybe it was, but I feel like it was a breath of fresh air in stating, “This game is the personification of Glen Mason, we need to do something different, he’s fired.”

It showed some cajones on Joel Maturi to admit that he screwed up last year as well as some management skills in ignoring the sunk cost and focusing on the right decision for the future. It also proved that he learned from his mistake in keeping Dan Monson around one season too long.

I think Gopher fans will agree that Glen Mason turned this program around and made it somewhat relevant, but I think we can also agree that the Gophers had gone as far as there were going to to go under him.

Interestingly, on many message boards and articles from people outside of this state, this was the reason that people took umbrage to Mason’s firing. The basic idea from fans of other schools and non-local columnists is that the Gophers will never be more than an average program and we as fans should simply accept our fate. This is what I like most about the firing, Maturi basically said we will not accept mediocrity and we are going to strive for something more.

So this then brings us to the real question, what do we do now?

First off, eliminate anybody that does the following:

1. Claim to be the savior of your program by stating he was better than coaches who don’t know their Xs from their Os
2. Alienate the local talent by claiming that they stink
3. Blame everybody and everything but himself
4. Require genuflection by the media and fans

While these are seemingly minor requirements, they are important; we made the mistake of not following these simple rules last time.

So who should hire? I do not know all of the offensive and defensive coordinators in college, and I know there are deserving coaches in those ranks, but in their absence, these are ones I would focus on:

1. Tony Dungy, Indy – Obviously I think there is no way we are going to get him, but only a week ago, I never thought we would fire Glen. Go after him hard and offer him the world.
2. Paul Johnson, Navy – I know he recently reworked his contract, but if he is even thinking about leaving, he should get an offer.
   
3. Chris Petersen, Boise State – I know he has only been in the position for a year, but look at the job he has done. It has also been stated that he is the Mark Few, to Dan Hawkins Dan Monson.
4. Mike Tomlin, Vikes – He will move to the NFL at some point, but I would not mind having him for a couple of years. At least our defense will improve, and we could keep Mitch Browning on as OC.
5. Craig Bohl, NDSU – He’s fairly local and he has had success. He is also a defensive guy, see Mike Tomlin above.

Like I said, there are a number of coaches I would look at, but I would be sure to include those above. There have been a number of other coaches that have been discussed (Solich, Coker, Amato, etc…), but I don’t want other people’s retreads, I would rather try and get an up-and-coming guy.

A Tale of Two Quarters

After watching two quarters of Timberwolves basketball this year and virtually none last year, (due to my location and the fact that watching a steaming hot pile of crap sit on a floor does not make for good television) along with the fact that I know virtually nothing about basketball; I feel as qualified as anybody else to discuss this year’s team.

Watching the third and fourth quarters of tonight’s home opener I saw two completely different teams. One was amazingly alluring and attractive, the other made me want to vomit, therefore for the rest of the post will be calling the Timberwolves Lindsay Lohan.

I’ll start with the third quarter. This is the anorexic, scary, A-cup Lindsay. This Lindsay could not find their ass from their elbow and committed around 63 turnovers in 12 minutes. I have seen more coordination from of a drunk with an inner-ear problem than I saw with this team. Mike James lived up to his billing of being a shoot-first point guard with little court vision (I enjoyed all three of his assists) and there was no flow with this team when he was on the floor. Ricky Davis stunk and Eddie Griffin was a non-factor.

Dwane Casey also made the interesting decision to laden down Mark Blount with weights like a horse after the first quarter. He was completely anchored to the ground and would be lucky to jump over a nickel (though he could probably clear a dime, I mean, nobody has that little leaping ability).

Quick sidebar. Kevin McHale – what the f*&%?

And where was Kevin Garnett when this was all happening? He was on the floor the entire time, but you wouldn’t know it. How does your all-everything player take the fifth most shots for your team in the game.

Then after some choice words by Mr. G; full-figured, amazingly hot Lindsay showed up flashing cleavage, making men drool. This Lindsay started with Marco Jaric, Troy Hudson and Craig Smith on the floor. Jaric and Hudson played fantastic. Smith played well until I blinked and he had six fouls. Most importantly though, this was the quarter KG let loose.

On defense, Jaric, Garnett and Trenton Hassell played great causing around a dozen turnovers, holding the Kings to only 17 points in the quarter. Hudson made open jumpers like it was way back in the spring of 2004, and Cassell had to use both hands to carry his ginormous berries down the court. (Alright, I made that last part up)

End result Lindsay 92 – The Maloofs (aka the luckiest men alive) 83. Lindsay 1-0 on the season.

Topic #2: Twins Payroll

This year the Twins brought us some tremendous highs. Who would have figured in early June that 35,000 fans would stay after the final game of the season to watch the Royals play the Tigers with the Twins chance of winning the division on the line? At that time the Twins regularly played Sierra, T-Bat, and no-Bat (or Juan Castro as he goes by in the Senior, though junior in everyway, Circuit). Then our mighty Twinks pulled off the incredible run that made this past summer so enjoyable. Unfortunately the postseason left something to be desired. Now that this season is over, it’s time to look to the future.

The first question to be asked was, should the Twins exercise the option on Torii Hunter, let him go, or sign him to a long-term deal? While Hunter has a number of large holes, namely his pitch selection, I feel the signing was reasonable for a few reasons. 1. He played well down the stretch when the Twins needed him. 2. He is still the face of the franchise. Though it is changing to Santana, Mauer, and Morneau, for now, Hunter is still the guy. 3. The Twins were given their new stadium, so they felt they had to spend their money on somebody. While I feel the Twins were justified in exercising his option, I felt that there was no way they could sign him to a longer term deal with the raises a number of players are due in the coming years. This led me to a couple of other questions. Who will the Twins be able to keep, what might their contracts look like, and is there room to sign anybody else?

For the first question, I attempted to predict what the team would look like for the next five years using our current players and players from the minors. While I know this is not what will happen, the Twins do have a track record of resigning their players and promoting from the minors. In evaluating minor league talent, I used the website Battle Your Tail Off (BYTO) http://www.battleyourtailoff.com/minorblog/ which did more work than I could ever do at evaluating players in the Twins minor league system. Looking through the information on the site, the Twins have a plethora of talent in pitching and an obvious lack of talent in position areas which led to some forecasts that I sincerely doubt will be correct (such as Nick Punto as the Twins third baseman for the next five years).

For the second question, what might their contracts look like, I used comparables to determine the players salaries for the coming years. I primarily used Twins comparables, but where there were no obvious comparisons, I looked to other teams.

The third question, is there room to sign anybody else, was then a result of the first two. The results are as follows:

Future Rosters:

Twins 2007:
To determine next year’s team I figured the Twins would not sign Brad Radke, Phil Nevin, Shannon Stewart, and Rondell White (though he may be an option for one year). Other than that, all of the other players on the 2007 squad are from this year’s team. The team is setup as follows:

C Joe Mauer
1B Justin Morneau
2B Luis Castillo
SS Jason Bartlett
3B Nick Punto
LF Jason Kubel
CF Torii Hunter
RF Michael Cuddyer
DH Jason Tyner
C2 Mike Redmond
IF5 Luis Rodriguez
OF4 Lew Ford
IF/OF Josh Rabe
SP1 Carlos Santana
SP2 Francisco Liriano
SP3 Boof Bonser
SP4 Matt Garza
SP5 Carlos Silva
LHR Dennys Reyes
LHR Glen Perkins
RHR Matt Guerrier
RHR Pat Neshek
RHR Jessie Crain
RHR Juan Rincon
CL Joe Nathan

There should really be no surprises here. The Twins will either exercise the option on Silva or go after a back-of-the-rotation starter, use Jason Kubel or Rondell White in left (with Tyner as another option), and Tyner or a right-handed free agent at DH. The Twins will probably also use Scott Baker and Willie Eyre in the bullpen over Glen Perkins early in the season, but I think he has too much talent to stay in the minors all of next year. The biggest weaknesses in my mind are Tyner and Kubel. Nick Punto may also be an issue for the future, but unless Matt Moses or David Winfree really step up or the Twins make a trade, he’s our guy.

Changes for 2008:
2B Alexi Casilla
CF Trent Oeltje
OF4 Alex Romero
SP3 Garza
SP4 Perkins
SP5 Bonser
LHR Alexander Smit

I feel the Twins will let Luis Castillo go after 2007 to open up a spot, and save some money, for Alexi Casilla. I also think Hunter will be gone as well, he’s just too much money when the Twins want to sign their younger, better players. In his place I looked to BYTO which ranks Trent Oeltjen ahead of Denard Span as a more likely candidate to be our centerfielder (BYTO disagrees with me and thinks the Twins will resign Hunter). Alex Romero takes over for Lew Ford as a backup outfielder. Matt Garza moves up on the depth chart and Perkins moves into the starting rotation for Silva. Eduardo Morlan moves into the bullpen to fill Perkins spot.

Changes for 2009:
DH Erik Lis
IF5 Whitney Robbins
SP5 Anthony Swarzak
LHR ???
RHR Yohan Pino
RHR Eduardo Morlan
RHR Kevin Slowey
CL Neshek

Erik Lis takes over the DH role from Tyner. Whitney Robbins moves into the backup infielder role in place of Rodriguez. Anthony Swarzak moves into the rotation in place of Bonser. (This is no knock on Bonser, he was arguably our best pitcher down the stretch, but the other guys just have incredible talent. I would love it if the other guys are as good as advertised, but Bonser holds them off.). Pat Neshek moves to the closer role for Joe Nathan (an unfortunate salary casualty). I also don’t see the Twins resigning Reyes. I think he will either be too expensive, or he will regress to his old self, leaving a left-handed whole in the bullpen. Yohan Pino, Eduardo Moalan, and Kevin Slowey move into the bullpen replacing Rincon (salary), Crain (salary), and Perkins (moved to closer). I also have the Twins resigning Mike Redmond as the backup catcher. While he will be getting older, the Twins do not have anybody in the minors to replace him.

Changes for 2010 (aka The Year of the New Stadium)
RF Chris Parmelee
IF/OF Garrett Olson

Chris Parmelee takes over for Michael Cuddyer rightfield and Garrett Olson takes over Josh Rabe our backup infielder/outfielder. If you look, this is very similar to the projection by BYTO. I used their site as my primary reference for player evaluation and focused my efforts on salary.

The 2011 lineup looks the same as the 2010 lineup only a year more expensive.

Salaries:

For salary information I used the site http://mlbcontracts.blogspot.com/ to see current salaries along with comparables. For most of the young players I used three years for arbitration, with the exception of Liriano, Garza, and Bonser who I considered “Super Twos.” For more information on arbitration, check out http://mlbplayers.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/pa/info/faq.jsp.

Comparables:

• Mauer and Morneau – David Wright was the closest comparison. While Mauer and Morneau will not sign the exact same deal, I figured it was a good approximation.
• Hunter plays out his contract and moves on after next year.
• Cuddyer – Hunter’s current contract. I used Hunter’s contract as a basis and subtracted a bit each year since Hunter was an all-star at the time he signed.
• Punto – I had a tough time coming up with a comparable, so I gave him $1MM raises year over year. He will most likely end up either as the Twins starter and make a larger salary than I gave him or become the backup with a lower salary.
• Ford, Redmond, and Tyner – $1MM per year similar to the deal Redmond just signed.
• Bartlett and Kubel – Cuddyer’s salary over his career up to now for the first four years. Slightly less than what Cuddyer will make with his next contract for the following years due to Cuddyer’s larger power numbers.
• Rabe, Casilla, Oeltjen, Parmelee, Lis, Rodriguez, Robbins, Romero, and Olson – Cuddyer’s salary over his career up to now.
• Santana – Roger Clemens was the closest comparable. There is nobody like Santana in baseball so I gave him $20MM per year (Clemens signed for a prorated salary of $22MM).
• Nathan, Silva and Reyes play out their contracts and move on to other teams.
• Liriano and Garza – If these guys live up to their billing, they are the next Johan Santanas. While it will be nearly impossible to live up to that billing, the players have been named Minor League Player of the Year the last two years respectively.
• Perkins, Bonser and Smit – Carlos Silva adjusted for salary inflation. Keep in mind that before Silva signed his contract and went into the tank he was considered a solid middle-of-the-rotation option.
• Crain – Minimum next year followed by $2MM in ‘08
• Guerrier – I had a tough time for Guerrier as well, so I gave him the minimum followed by $1MM, $1MM, $2MM, and $2MM.
• Neshek – Joe Nathan’s salaries.
• Swarzak, LHR, Pino, Morlan, and Slowey – Major League minimum

The salaries for each player are listed below:

	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011
Mauer	1	5	7.5	10	14
Morneau	1	5	7.5	10	14
Castillo	5.75
Casilla		0.35	0.35	0.35	1
Bartlett	0.35	0.35	1	3	4
Punto	1.5	2	3	4	5
Kubel	0.35	0.35	1	3	4
Hunter	12
Oeltjen		0.35	0.35	0.35	1
Cuddyer	4	5	7
Parmelee				0.35	0.35
Tyner	1	1
Lis			0.35	0.35	0.35
Redmond	1	1	1	1	1
Rodriguez	0.35	0.5
Robbins			0.35	0.35	0.35
Ford	1
Romero		0.35	0.35	0.35	1
Rabe	0.35	0.35	1
Olson				0.35	0.35
Santana	12	13.25	20	20	20
Liriano	0.35	2	6	10	14
Bonser	0.35	2
Garza	0.35	2	6	10	14
Perkins	0.35	0.35	0.35	2	4
Silva	4
Swarzak			0.35	0.35	0.35
Reyes	1	1
Smit		0.35	0.35	0.35	2
LHR			0.35	0.35	0.35
Guerrier	0.35	1	1	2	2
Pino			0.35	0.35	0.35
Neshek	0.35	0.35	2	4	5
Crain	0.35	2
Morlan			0.35	0.35	0.35
Rincon	2	4
Slowey			0.35	0.35	0.35
Nathan	5.25	6
Total	57	60.2	70	83.3	110.9

Free Agents:

After analyzing the information above, I felt I could answer my third question, is there room to sign anybody else?

The totals above cover the 25-man, not 40-man roster, so they are bit lower than the total salary the Twins will cover. The Twins team salary this year was around $63MM and they said that they were thinking it would increase to $68MM next year, and I assume a similar if not slightly larger number in 2008 and 2009. Terry Ryan has stated that in 2010 there should be around $20MM more to spend on salaries than today, or $83MM.

Based on these numbers, it looks like the Twins have room to sign a player for two years or trade for a player with two years remaining on his contract. After that however, the Twins will really be up against the wall. The salary for 2011 is way above anything that the Twins would be willing to pay and will not happen. If Liriano, Garza, Bonser, Swarzak, Slowey or any number of other pitchers step up and give the Twins a solid rotation, I can see them trading or not resigning Santana; I just think he will be too expensive. I also see the Twins trading some pitchers for position prospects to fill in for players like Punto, Kubel, and Tyner. I also feel that with all of our pitching depth, it will be more important to resign the bats of Mauer and Morneau if they continue to contribute the way they did this year.

Any way you look at it, the Twins have a solid foundation with five legitimate All-Stars (Santana, Mauer, Morneau, Nathan, and Liriano) and should be good for years to come. I would love to see us add talent where available, but I just don’t see us breaking the bank to bring in the talent of somebody like Alfonso Soriano. I think we are in great shape and can’t wait for next summer, and really cannot wait for 2010.

Gophers vs. Wisconsin Running Diary

After enjoying numerous running diaries by the Sports Guy over of the years, I decided to try my hand at it. I figured why not try my hand during the longest running rivalry in all of college football, Minnesota vs. Wisconsin. I am competely biased towards the Gophers, so be prepared. Here goes.

10:59: Watching the Game Day crew before the game starts. Is there a luckier guy on the face of the earth than Kirk Herbstreet? The guy has everything a guy would ever want. Just as an FYI my DVR is on the fritz right now so I will have to do this all real time. If I miss something I can’t go back. Nothing like flying without a net.

11:00: Sean McDonough, Chris Spielman, and Rob Stone are the announcers for today from Camp Randall. McDonough just called the Gophers a tough luck squad. I prefer to call them no luck and bad coaching. Spielman asked if there is such thing as a good 2-4 team. Apparently the answer to that is, “Yes.” Go figure.

11:02: Kickoff – boring out of the end zone. Over under on the first 30 yard run by PJ with 6 missed tackle, my guess is 11:25.

11:03: Cupito completes the pass to Spaeth on the first play for 16 yards, and that’s another Golden Gopher first down.

11:04: McDonough calls the Gophers a little light in receiver, that’s like saying Lance Bass is light in his loafers. On the plus side, Pinnix looks good and we’re moving the ball.

11:05: FUMBLE Wisconsin Touchdown. Argh. We cannot find our ass from our elbow at Camp Randall.

11:11: McDonough brings up the pass interference from last week. Thank Sean. I wonder how many times that’s going to be brought up. I can’t wait for them to show the highlights from last year.

11:13: And we’re punting from Wisconsin’s 45 on 4^th and 4. I hate that. My first of many disagreements with Mason. I know I am bit more risky than most, but I loved Gregg Easterbrook’s article saying research has shown that teams should NEVER punt at 4 yards or less and should never punt inside the other team’s 50 regardless of the distance. I think this very true. Mason obviously doesn’t.

11:18: Yeah, Hill is just going to kill us today. He has rushed four times and we have not kept him to less than 7 yards. At least we are tackling him, he’s just getting huge gaps.

11:23: Fourth and 1 for Wisconsin – 28-yard run by Hill to the 5. Not a bad call by me on the on the timing of the run of the 30 yard run, too bad we didn’t get the chance to miss 5 tackles, we never got close to him.

11:24: Touchdown. Hill had 78 yards rushing on the first drive. He’s on pace for a good 400 today unless they are up too much to leave him in (which at this point looks like quite the possibility.

11:27: My hope at this point is we keep it within three touchdowns at half, and then blow them away with our halftime adjustments.

11:29: Nice run by Pinnix, too bad our wide receiver tackled him.

11:31: Third and nine from the 20, is this two down territory? I think so.

11:32: Mason does not.

11:33: Field goal from Giannini. 14-3. What good does that field goal do for us? We are not going to stop Hill, we are going to have to try and match them with touchdowns.

11:34: They are showing Camp Randall bumping. I hate Barry Alvarez, as poor as our program was 15 years ago, Wisconsin’s was worse.

11:34: Didn’t take long, now they are showing the game from last year. Sometimes I hate my life, this is one of those times. Fine, I don’t hate Barry, I’m just jealous.

11:36: Barber missed an interception. As Spielman says the Gophers are just waiting for something bad to happen.

11:36: 3^rd and 7 after the missed int. No rush and Stocco runs 7 yards for a first. Mr. Spielman, you are correct, didn’t take long.

11:38: 3^rd and 6. End of the first quarter.

11:41: Nice, our best defense, they dropped the pass. Good idea for a blitz.

11:44: Third and long for the Gophs, unless Spaeth is open, this won’t go anywhere. Sack. Huh, go figure.

11:45: “Low punt and it is MUFFED.” Badgers recover though. God I love the muff call. I’m sure the announcers must love it too, the play-by-play guy will never miss saying that.

11:48: Hill runs for 2. Nice job defense. Hill fumbled for the second time today but recovered recovered it. Hill runs for 3 yards. Nice couple of plays by our rush defense.

11:49: Oh well, 23 yard pass on third and 5. The d-line looked good for a couple of plays.

11:51: Stocco just fumbled his mouthguard, hopefully this is an omen. 3^rd and 7 from the 8.

11:52: Touchdown pass. It really pains me to type 3^rd down. It means a big play. I think the other team’s offense should only be allowed 3 plays in which they are forced to punt on 3^rd down. That would help us. It’s not like haven’t held them to 3^rd and long, but man we haven’t done anything on 3^rd down.

11:54: My hope at this point is we keep it within four touchdowns at half, and then blow them away with our halftime adjustments.

11:57: Great return, but it is coming back. Starting inside our 6, we need to put something together this drive. At least a long drive that pushes Wisconsin back.

11:58: First time we see the Mason look. The one where he is squatted with his hands on his knees, squinting and looking all around. You know at this point things are unraveling and he has no idea how to pull it back together. The squint is an attempt at making people think that he’s devising a plan to come back, when the only plan he is thinking of is how to make an excuse at the post-game press conference. Actually at this point, I don’t think the press even questions him anymore. They know they are going to be fed the same crap every week, something akin to, “Minnesota doesn’t provide enough good players, we don’t have an outdoor stadium, and our team played hard.” This actually translates to, I cannot recruit in-state, uh-oh, I don’t have that second excuse anymore, and our team played hard, but I had no game plan.

11:59: Spielman points out that the Gophers’ heads are down and says, “It’s football, have fun, it’s not a death march.” Uh, yes it is.

12:00: So much for that long drive. Gophers get 8 yards on 3^rd and 10. In retort to Spielman’s excitement over the play that left us 2 yards short of the first, McDonough say, “That’s not a successful play when you say that at least there’s more room for the punter.” Today it is.

12:00: Another bad punt. Aside from the first minute and a half when we moved the ball, before the fumble, I think we forgot to show up today. I wonder if a team has ever gotten on the bus at halftime and just left? I know a coaches’ brain can do that, I’ve seen it regularly. That is the only way to describe Mason’s second half coaching.

12:03: The Badgers are starting on our 38 after the punt. We’ve held them to 3^rd and 2. Hill has slowed down and only has 97 yards with 6 minutes left in the half. We had 12 in the box and filled the holes, but first down.

12:06: Trumain Banks, great open-field tackle on Hill. 3^rd & 6.

12:06: Holding on Banks automatic first down, so much for a nice play.

12:07: Thanks for bringing up last week again, my balls haven’t been kicked for at least five minutes.

12:08: Nice analysis by Spielman saying that Wisconsin has run behind their tight end Crooks every time, “Follow 43, he takes you to the ball.” Hopefully a Gopher coach is listening to the game because I doubt that we’ve figured that out yet. Although even if we did figure it out, we’d never make an adjustment.

12:09: Touchdown Pass on play action, go figure it went to 43, Crooks. Maybe we should have followed him to the ball.

12:10: My hope at this point is we keep it within five touchdowns at half, and then blow them away with our halftime adjustments.

12:12: Hey, there’s less than 2 minutes and we are trying to move the ball. Why? Take a knee Mason, it worked last week. Spielman says that Mason should go into half and challenge his team’s manhood. I have a feeling he’s going to do what he does at halftime every game. Stare at the wall and hope it doesn’t get any worse.

12:12: We had second and 1 and Payne just dropped two easy passes. I swear our wide receivers are so bad they couldn’t catch a VD in a San Francisco bath house.

12:14: 25 Yard punt. Another bad kick, when it rains, it pours.

12:22: All right, we made it to halftime only down 28-3, we met my wish., now it’s time for the famed Mason halftime adjustments.

12:43: In the halftime interview with Rob Stone, Mason says that just throwing the ball in the second half won’t accomplish anything. You know, like coming back.

12:44: Big pass for Wisconsin and Banks got hurt. Not a good start. Looks like he may have broken his arm.

12:47: Another pass to Beckum, touchdown. Not a good start. At least Hill won’t rush for 400 yards.

12:50: Gophers drive: Sack. Wheelwright drops the pass. Sack.

12:52: 36 yard punt. I guess that qualifies as a highlight since Wisconsin is not starting on our side of the field.

12:58: 6 plays and a touchdown. 41-3

12:59: They muffed the snap, threw the ball up for grabs and we returned it for 2 points!!!!

1:00: Mario Reese summersaults into the end zone leading McDonough to state, “Great job, you closed it to 36.”

1:01: Lou Holtz points out that Glen Mason has not kept the Gophers within 20 points at Wisconsin. I’ve always felt that the key to a coaches’ resume is playing well against your rivals. Mason has beaten Wisconsin twice in his tenure and once had the Iowa fans take the goalposts out of the Metrodome in a game he was coaching. That is well worth a new contract thanks Maturi.

1:03: 3^rd and 8. Pass to Decker for 11 and that’s another Golden Gopher first down. It’s the little victories that count.

1:04: Great punt by Kucek actually, 58 yards. McDonough mentions that this is the highlight for the Gopher fans. The announcers are now openly mocking this team.

1:08: Yup, broken arm for Banks, Rob Stone reports that he was just taken to the hospital. All-in-all, not a good week for Banks. The pass interference and now his career is over. That’s too bad, you hate to see somebody’s career ended like that.

1:10: Spielman says that it’s time to take Stocco out of the game. 6:30 left in the third quarter. McDonough says it’s time to take Hill out of the game. 6:00 left in the third. My buddy Rob is at the game, I think it’s time to give him a look, even though he graduated, he still has some eligibility.

1:12: Wisconsin punted. I was looking something up for a second, so I cannot tell you how we stopped them. I think they may have actually punted on second down.

1:14: Minnesota is punting it back. We’re now playing hot potato. Our drive lasted 2 minutes of real time. 22 yard punt, at least it was fun while it lasted.

1:15: They just showed us the statue of Barry Alvarez, I hate him.

1:16: Luke Swann caught the pass and fumbled it, Gophers ball. I was joking about the hot potato thing, but thanks for the ball.

1:17: Another Golden Gophers first down. Now they are talking about the Gophers new stadium, I’m smiling. Now if we can just punch it in. Stopped on 3^rd and 2 from the 3 yard line and it’s the end of the quarter. Will we go for it on 4^th down, stay tuned…

1:21: Looks like we are going for it. Come on Gophers.

1:22: Very poor play call. Fake handoff, fake reverse, and Wisconsin bought neither. Cupito threw it up and got bailed out when Valentine ran into the defender who was called for pass interference. That really bailed us out. Valentine made the contact and the ball was uncatchable. I’ll take it though.

1:23: Touchdown Gophers. Pinnix from the 1. Spielman is making fun of us again. I don’t blame him. Giannini made the extra point (a week too late).

1:26: Short kickoff and Wisconsin is starting at their 41.

1:27: Hill finishes with 164 yards and 2 touchdowns. It is going to be fun to watch him against us 3 more times…or maybe not.

1:32: Spielman just pointed out that Minnesota has not made adjustments. He’s obviously never watched the Gophers before to make that statement in a non-mocking tone.

1:33: Touchdown pass for Wisconsin. The questions here: Will Wisconsin pass 50 points today? Will the Gophers win more than one Big Ten game this year (I’m giving us Indiana, do they even still have a football team)? Will they beat North Dakota State next week? Will God be gracious and end this game in three hours? This is just depressing all around. It will be interesting to see if they can bounce back next week against a glorified high school team. Right now I say yes, but as this game goes on, I’m not sure.

1:38: Spielman points out that Wisconsin has a great tradition and Alvaraz just built on that. Huh? I’m sure all those Wisconsin fans remember those great pre-Alvarez years vividly.

1:39: Cupito tries to run for the first and takes a knee a yard short on third down, but we’re going for it on 4^th down from our 30. Go figure, nice call Mason. Hey we got it.

1:42: Wheelwright made another catch. I have to point it out.

1:43: Cupito passed deep and it was picked off. Another guy from Minnesota that plays for Wisconsin made the int. I think Mason has done a great job of closing the boarder. Why would anybody want to leave when they could play for him?

1:46: Fumble. Gophers’ ball. Hot potato again.

1:47: Spaeth’s hurt. Good thing he was still playing with 2 minutes left when we are down by 36.

1:48: Stopped on 4^th and 1, ball back to Wisconsin. Uh oh, Iowa is only beating Indiana by 4, not a good sign. This very well could be the first time in a while we haven’t won a Big Ten game. That’s actually a good thing though, more people my recognize Mason for the fraud of a coach he is.

1:50: Victory formation for Wisconsin. Game lasted 2:51. Now they are showing the Axe. It won’t be back here for a while.

1:51: Game over. I have nothing more to say.