Gophers vs. Wisconsin Running Diary

After enjoying numerous running diaries by the Sports Guy over of the years, I decided to try my hand at it. I figured why not try my hand during the longest running rivalry in all of college football, Minnesota vs. Wisconsin. I am competely biased towards the Gophers, so be prepared. Here goes.

10:59: Watching the Game Day crew before the game starts. Is there a luckier guy on the face of the earth than Kirk Herbstreet? The guy has everything a guy would ever want. Just as an FYI my DVR is on the fritz right now so I will have to do this all real time. If I miss something I can’t go back. Nothing like flying without a net.

11:00: Sean McDonough, Chris Spielman, and Rob Stone are the announcers for today from Camp Randall. McDonough just called the Gophers a tough luck squad. I prefer to call them no luck and bad coaching. Spielman asked if there is such thing as a good 2-4 team. Apparently the answer to that is, “Yes.” Go figure.

11:02: Kickoff – boring out of the end zone. Over under on the first 30 yard run by PJ with 6 missed tackle, my guess is 11:25.

11:03: Cupito completes the pass to Spaeth on the first play for 16 yards, and that’s another Golden Gopher first down.

11:04: McDonough calls the Gophers a little light in receiver, that’s like saying Lance Bass is light in his loafers. On the plus side, Pinnix looks good and we’re moving the ball.

11:05: FUMBLE Wisconsin Touchdown. Argh. We cannot find our ass from our elbow at Camp Randall.

11:11: McDonough brings up the pass interference from last week. Thank Sean. I wonder how many times that’s going to be brought up. I can’t wait for them to show the highlights from last year.

11:13: And we’re punting from Wisconsin’s 45 on 4^th and 4. I hate that. My first of many disagreements with Mason. I know I am bit more risky than most, but I loved Gregg Easterbrook’s article saying research has shown that teams should NEVER punt at 4 yards or less and should never punt inside the other team’s 50 regardless of the distance. I think this very true. Mason obviously doesn’t.

11:18: Yeah, Hill is just going to kill us today. He has rushed four times and we have not kept him to less than 7 yards. At least we are tackling him, he’s just getting huge gaps.

11:23: Fourth and 1 for Wisconsin – 28-yard run by Hill to the 5. Not a bad call by me on the on the timing of the run of the 30 yard run, too bad we didn’t get the chance to miss 5 tackles, we never got close to him.

11:24: Touchdown. Hill had 78 yards rushing on the first drive. He’s on pace for a good 400 today unless they are up too much to leave him in (which at this point looks like quite the possibility.

11:27: My hope at this point is we keep it within three touchdowns at half, and then blow them away with our halftime adjustments.

11:29: Nice run by Pinnix, too bad our wide receiver tackled him.

11:31: Third and nine from the 20, is this two down territory? I think so.

11:32: Mason does not.

11:33: Field goal from Giannini. 14-3. What good does that field goal do for us? We are not going to stop Hill, we are going to have to try and match them with touchdowns.

11:34: They are showing Camp Randall bumping. I hate Barry Alvarez, as poor as our program was 15 years ago, Wisconsin’s was worse.

11:34: Didn’t take long, now they are showing the game from last year. Sometimes I hate my life, this is one of those times. Fine, I don’t hate Barry, I’m just jealous.

11:36: Barber missed an interception. As Spielman says the Gophers are just waiting for something bad to happen.

11:36: 3^rd and 7 after the missed int. No rush and Stocco runs 7 yards for a first. Mr. Spielman, you are correct, didn’t take long.

11:38: 3^rd and 6. End of the first quarter.

11:41: Nice, our best defense, they dropped the pass. Good idea for a blitz.

11:44: Third and long for the Gophs, unless Spaeth is open, this won’t go anywhere. Sack. Huh, go figure.

11:45: “Low punt and it is MUFFED.” Badgers recover though. God I love the muff call. I’m sure the announcers must love it too, the play-by-play guy will never miss saying that.

11:48: Hill runs for 2. Nice job defense. Hill fumbled for the second time today but recovered recovered it. Hill runs for 3 yards. Nice couple of plays by our rush defense.

11:49: Oh well, 23 yard pass on third and 5. The d-line looked good for a couple of plays.

11:51: Stocco just fumbled his mouthguard, hopefully this is an omen. 3^rd and 7 from the 8.

11:52: Touchdown pass. It really pains me to type 3^rd down. It means a big play. I think the other team’s offense should only be allowed 3 plays in which they are forced to punt on 3^rd down. That would help us. It’s not like haven’t held them to 3^rd and long, but man we haven’t done anything on 3^rd down.

11:54: My hope at this point is we keep it within four touchdowns at half, and then blow them away with our halftime adjustments.

11:57: Great return, but it is coming back. Starting inside our 6, we need to put something together this drive. At least a long drive that pushes Wisconsin back.

11:58: First time we see the Mason look. The one where he is squatted with his hands on his knees, squinting and looking all around. You know at this point things are unraveling and he has no idea how to pull it back together. The squint is an attempt at making people think that he’s devising a plan to come back, when the only plan he is thinking of is how to make an excuse at the post-game press conference. Actually at this point, I don’t think the press even questions him anymore. They know they are going to be fed the same crap every week, something akin to, “Minnesota doesn’t provide enough good players, we don’t have an outdoor stadium, and our team played hard.” This actually translates to, I cannot recruit in-state, uh-oh, I don’t have that second excuse anymore, and our team played hard, but I had no game plan.

11:59: Spielman points out that the Gophers’ heads are down and says, “It’s football, have fun, it’s not a death march.” Uh, yes it is.

12:00: So much for that long drive. Gophers get 8 yards on 3^rd and 10. In retort to Spielman’s excitement over the play that left us 2 yards short of the first, McDonough say, “That’s not a successful play when you say that at least there’s more room for the punter.” Today it is.

12:00: Another bad punt. Aside from the first minute and a half when we moved the ball, before the fumble, I think we forgot to show up today. I wonder if a team has ever gotten on the bus at halftime and just left? I know a coaches’ brain can do that, I’ve seen it regularly. That is the only way to describe Mason’s second half coaching.

12:03: The Badgers are starting on our 38 after the punt. We’ve held them to 3^rd and 2. Hill has slowed down and only has 97 yards with 6 minutes left in the half. We had 12 in the box and filled the holes, but first down.

12:06: Trumain Banks, great open-field tackle on Hill. 3^rd & 6.

12:06: Holding on Banks automatic first down, so much for a nice play.

12:07: Thanks for bringing up last week again, my balls haven’t been kicked for at least five minutes.

12:08: Nice analysis by Spielman saying that Wisconsin has run behind their tight end Crooks every time, “Follow 43, he takes you to the ball.” Hopefully a Gopher coach is listening to the game because I doubt that we’ve figured that out yet. Although even if we did figure it out, we’d never make an adjustment.

12:09: Touchdown Pass on play action, go figure it went to 43, Crooks. Maybe we should have followed him to the ball.

12:10: My hope at this point is we keep it within five touchdowns at half, and then blow them away with our halftime adjustments.

12:12: Hey, there’s less than 2 minutes and we are trying to move the ball. Why? Take a knee Mason, it worked last week. Spielman says that Mason should go into half and challenge his team’s manhood. I have a feeling he’s going to do what he does at halftime every game. Stare at the wall and hope it doesn’t get any worse.

12:12: We had second and 1 and Payne just dropped two easy passes. I swear our wide receivers are so bad they couldn’t catch a VD in a San Francisco bath house.

12:14: 25 Yard punt. Another bad kick, when it rains, it pours.

12:22: All right, we made it to halftime only down 28-3, we met my wish., now it’s time for the famed Mason halftime adjustments.

12:43: In the halftime interview with Rob Stone, Mason says that just throwing the ball in the second half won’t accomplish anything. You know, like coming back.

12:44: Big pass for Wisconsin and Banks got hurt. Not a good start. Looks like he may have broken his arm.

12:47: Another pass to Beckum, touchdown. Not a good start. At least Hill won’t rush for 400 yards.

12:50: Gophers drive: Sack. Wheelwright drops the pass. Sack.

12:52: 36 yard punt. I guess that qualifies as a highlight since Wisconsin is not starting on our side of the field.

12:58: 6 plays and a touchdown. 41-3

12:59: They muffed the snap, threw the ball up for grabs and we returned it for 2 points!!!!

1:00: Mario Reese summersaults into the end zone leading McDonough to state, “Great job, you closed it to 36.”

1:01: Lou Holtz points out that Glen Mason has not kept the Gophers within 20 points at Wisconsin. I’ve always felt that the key to a coaches’ resume is playing well against your rivals. Mason has beaten Wisconsin twice in his tenure and once had the Iowa fans take the goalposts out of the Metrodome in a game he was coaching. That is well worth a new contract thanks Maturi.

1:03: 3^rd and 8. Pass to Decker for 11 and that’s another Golden Gopher first down. It’s the little victories that count.

1:04: Great punt by Kucek actually, 58 yards. McDonough mentions that this is the highlight for the Gopher fans. The announcers are now openly mocking this team.

1:08: Yup, broken arm for Banks, Rob Stone reports that he was just taken to the hospital. All-in-all, not a good week for Banks. The pass interference and now his career is over. That’s too bad, you hate to see somebody’s career ended like that.

1:10: Spielman says that it’s time to take Stocco out of the game. 6:30 left in the third quarter. McDonough says it’s time to take Hill out of the game. 6:00 left in the third. My buddy Rob is at the game, I think it’s time to give him a look, even though he graduated, he still has some eligibility.

1:12: Wisconsin punted. I was looking something up for a second, so I cannot tell you how we stopped them. I think they may have actually punted on second down.

1:14: Minnesota is punting it back. We’re now playing hot potato. Our drive lasted 2 minutes of real time. 22 yard punt, at least it was fun while it lasted.

1:15: They just showed us the statue of Barry Alvarez, I hate him.

1:16: Luke Swann caught the pass and fumbled it, Gophers ball. I was joking about the hot potato thing, but thanks for the ball.

1:17: Another Golden Gophers first down. Now they are talking about the Gophers new stadium, I’m smiling. Now if we can just punch it in. Stopped on 3^rd and 2 from the 3 yard line and it’s the end of the quarter. Will we go for it on 4^th down, stay tuned…

1:21: Looks like we are going for it. Come on Gophers.

1:22: Very poor play call. Fake handoff, fake reverse, and Wisconsin bought neither. Cupito threw it up and got bailed out when Valentine ran into the defender who was called for pass interference. That really bailed us out. Valentine made the contact and the ball was uncatchable. I’ll take it though.

1:23: Touchdown Gophers. Pinnix from the 1. Spielman is making fun of us again. I don’t blame him. Giannini made the extra point (a week too late).

1:26: Short kickoff and Wisconsin is starting at their 41.

1:27: Hill finishes with 164 yards and 2 touchdowns. It is going to be fun to watch him against us 3 more times…or maybe not.

1:32: Spielman just pointed out that Minnesota has not made adjustments. He’s obviously never watched the Gophers before to make that statement in a non-mocking tone.

1:33: Touchdown pass for Wisconsin. The questions here: Will Wisconsin pass 50 points today? Will the Gophers win more than one Big Ten game this year (I’m giving us Indiana, do they even still have a football team)? Will they beat North Dakota State next week? Will God be gracious and end this game in three hours? This is just depressing all around. It will be interesting to see if they can bounce back next week against a glorified high school team. Right now I say yes, but as this game goes on, I’m not sure.

1:38: Spielman points out that Wisconsin has a great tradition and Alvaraz just built on that. Huh? I’m sure all those Wisconsin fans remember those great pre-Alvarez years vividly.

1:39: Cupito tries to run for the first and takes a knee a yard short on third down, but we’re going for it on 4^th down from our 30. Go figure, nice call Mason. Hey we got it.

1:42: Wheelwright made another catch. I have to point it out.

1:43: Cupito passed deep and it was picked off. Another guy from Minnesota that plays for Wisconsin made the int. I think Mason has done a great job of closing the boarder. Why would anybody want to leave when they could play for him?

1:46: Fumble. Gophers’ ball. Hot potato again.

1:47: Spaeth’s hurt. Good thing he was still playing with 2 minutes left when we are down by 36.

1:48: Stopped on 4^th and 1, ball back to Wisconsin. Uh oh, Iowa is only beating Indiana by 4, not a good sign. This very well could be the first time in a while we haven’t won a Big Ten game. That’s actually a good thing though, more people my recognize Mason for the fraud of a coach he is.

1:50: Victory formation for Wisconsin. Game lasted 2:51. Now they are showing the Axe. It won’t be back here for a while.

1:51: Game over. I have nothing more to say.